Have you ever felt like you’re not good enough to do the job you’ve been hired to do? Not worthy of the relationship you’re in, or even doubt and question your parenting abilities?
Perhaps you’ve felt like you’re only pretending to be an adult who’s capable of buying a home, being worthy of the social invites, and everyone else seems to have this stuff all sorted!
JUST SO YOU KNOW other people have felt this way too.
No matter how much evidence there is that we’re successfully navigating our lives, jobs, and relationships, many of us hold false beliefs that we aren’t as capable or smart as others think we are. I know because I’ve been there many times!
This is called imposter syndrome, or imposter phenomenon. Largely it is negative thinking, filtering (Cognitive Distortion). It isn’t a diagnosis or a medical problem but rather a pattern of thinking that can lead to self-doubt, negative self-talk and missed opportunities LOTS OF THEM!
Want to know the worst part about imposter syndrome is? It can easily turn into a cycle with seriously negative consequences and missing out on a lot of the incredible experiences in your life. If you’ve ever felt like an imposter, a fraud, doubted your abilities, you’re in good company.
One study estimated that 7 in 10 adults experience it at some point or another. Interestingly, it’s often people who are hard workers, high achievers and perfectionists who are most likely to feel like frauds, the pointy end of the spear type people experience it the worst!
Here’s a handful of examples you may relate too!
RELATIONSHIP FRAUD People feel unworthy of the affection they get from a significant other and fear that their partner will discover they’re not actually that lovable! That their partners have fallen in love with the “foreground” and not the “background”.
AT HOME Parents may struggle to make decisions for their child out of fear they’re going to mess up their child’s life, that they are not doing a great job with their parenting. They came from an average childhood experience themselves.
PROFESSIONAL People with an imposter mindset often attribute their success to luck rather than their own abilities and work ethic, which could hold them back from asking for a raise or applying for a promotion. They might also feel like they must overwork themselves to achieve the UNACHIEVABLE high standard they’ve set.
SO WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT IT?
1. Challenging the imposter thinking with a thought journal.
Create 2 columns in your journal one column write negative imposter THOUGHTS, and in the other column write rational REPSONSE. Spend just 5 minutes on this example:
I’m not good enough for my partner, if he only knew the real me.
RATIONAL Response - I am good enough, I love myself enough and therefore he can love me too. This relationship is a process, and we are both committed to it.
2. TAKE NOTES OF YOUR WINS
There are moments where you feel less valued, less loved, less successful. It can be helpful to have a tangible reminder of your successes. When your manager sends you an email recognising your excellent work on a project, save that email in a special folder. If your child makes you a card telling you what a great parent you are, hang it on the fridge where you’ll be able to see it on a day when it feels like nothing’s going right.
3. DONT COMPARE YOURSELF WITH OTHERS
There is no quicker way to inject self doubt and to destroy your self belief, then comparing yourself to others. Put that energy into your life’s journey, and remember, you are doing the best you can with the resources and understanding you currently have!
If this is a topic that resonates with you, join our next 75 minute seminar on Monday 16th November.