Have you ever found yourself working toward an important goal only to spectacularly fail because you did something stupid?
I’ve done it MANY times in the past.
Or, maybe you feel stressed and anxious when you're trying to achieve something important.
This, in turn, might make you feel more and more frustrated, discouraged and angry with yourself.
These feelings trap you and keep you from doing what you need to do.
These are all signs of self-sabotage.
Self-sabotage erodes your self-confidence and self-esteem, self belief, and affects your relationships with others.
With every failed attempt to do the thing you want, you "prove" to yourself that you can't or shouldn't do it.
Whatever self-sabotaging behaviours you have, it's essential that you overcome them if you are to make the most of your life and your career.
Fortunately, you can escape self-sabotaging behaviour, and I truly want to help you today.
One of the key reasons people self-sabotage is a lack of self-esteem, Self worth and self belief.
This can have many different causes, but the effects are the same: feelings of worthlessness or incompetence, the belief that you don't deserve success, and even self-hatred. You may worry that if you fail, your family will think less of you, or that if you're successful, your co-workers will be jealous.
These deep-seated thoughts and feelings cause negative self-talk, which fuels your fears and your self-sabotaging behaviours.
Some people self-sabotage because it makes them feel in control of their situations.
SUGGESTED SOLUTIONS •
1. Recognize Your Self-Sabotaging Behaviours, self awareness!
To stop self-sabotage, you first need to recognize your own self-sabotaging behaviours. Consider something that you frequently fail at, for no obvious reason. Is there something you do, or don't do. Is there an activity or task that nags at you and causes you dissatisfaction because you know you could do it, or do it better?
It may be painful to ask yourself questions like these, but it's important.
Tune in to problem situations so you can better understand what is happening
2. Spot the Thinking or Beliefs That Cause the Feeling or emotion that occurred before the Self Sabotage. Chances are, the emotion that led to your negative behaviour was caused by irrational thoughts. Consider the evidence for those thoughts. Notice what you say to yourself when you engage in self-sabotaging behaviour. Write down all your negative self-talk, however silly or unrealistic it may seem. The ideal time to do this is when you're engaged in the behaviour. Monitor your "stream of consciousness" and write it down. example, you might catch yourself thinking, "I'm such a failure, my boss has probably reached the end of their patience with me. When you know what your negative self-talk is, ask yourself what deeper beliefs lie behind this self-sabotaging thinking. Are these beliefs rational? Are they based on any clear facts.
3 Change Your Behaviours, Emotions and Thoughts As you become aware of the emotions that spin off you from your thoughts, that trigger self-sabotage, you can begin to challenge them. And if you can change one of these three aspects, the other two will change more easily, too. Challenge negative thinking with logical, positive affirmations.
Turn your assumptions around and gain some much-needed perspective. Then, link this new positive self-talk to what you can accomplish and what you want to achieve.
When your skills, beliefs and behaviours are aligned, you can create the mental, emotional and physical states necessary to do whatever you set your mind to. Make a decision that is congruent to the direction you are wanting to head. Do that 40 times a day with CONFIDENCE and belief in self and that will start to form a much better experience.
4 Develop Self Belief building Behaviours. When you've identified and begun to defeat the false rationale for your self-sabotaging behaviours, you can start to rebuild your self-belief, Consider the following questions:
What can you say to yourself that is positive or encouraging?
What options do you have?
Is there more than one way to achieve your goal?
Can you build self-belief by setting and achieving smaller goals, on your way to achieving the bigger ones?
Then use your answers to come up with a message that inspires you to move in a positive direction. For example, "Even though I may not complete this project on time, I know that I have the resources and skills I need to get me through. When I start to tackle the project, I know I will release a lot of the stress and anxiety I've been carrying around while I've been procrastinating."
Intereted in finding out more about self-sabotage and ways to overcome it?
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