In my younger years, I blamed everyone for pretty much everything in my life.
In My late 20’s through till 40, I blamed myself for pretty much everything in my life.
Then recently in my 40’s I actually realised there is nothing to blame.
Because everything is happening all of the time, both positive experiences and those that we perceive as negative.
They are both always present; it just completely depends on your focus.
I learnt and am learning to become almost completely objective ( meaning I feel neutral about all things ) and not subjective, i.e. have a bias towards anything.
And anything meaning nor good or bad. Because it just is.
Now how does this relate to my blog today, Waiting for the boogie man?
Well my shadow monster, my darkness, my ghosts, and evil voices and thoughts of my past come to visit me every time I journey to 24 hours or beyond in Endurance events.
Some people metaphorically refer to it as the “Pain Cave” - it’s very much, same shit, different toilet.
At about 14-20 hours a horribly special place forms in my neurological constructs.
It’s a place I go right when I’m begging, yearning, longing for the 2nd, 3rd, or 12th wind.
My body feels incapable, everything is cemented to the ground, and mentally, almost every inch of me wants to quit.
Almost every one of my life’s regrets, mistakes, failures, self-sabotage ruminations and dick moves I’ve done through the ages or my time, whispers through and is monopolised by my mind.
The timing is always impeccable.
I love this quote from one of the great Martial Artists and Philosophers Bruce Lee,
“Pain will leave once it is done teaching you.” I’ve learnt to understand pain is here to make us PAY attention, and thankfully I’ve many more lessons to learn.
P - Pay
A - Attention
I - Integrate It
N - Now
Historically I’ve about a 50/50 ratio, sometimes I forge ahead and go beyond normal preconceived limits, get the job done, and then sometimes The Boogie man with his fucked up negativity black magic manifests and the mental anguish chokes me out - and I quit.
There are two types of motivation in the human experience. Pleasure or Pain.
We can be motivated towards something positive, something good, something pleasurable, or we can be motivated away from something painful, negative, dark.
Because of my endurance background and Ultra sporting career I found myself caught in the Boogie man’s mind fucking psychological turmoil often.
I anticipate and take part in terrifying thoughts of going to that place that I have gotten to many times before, where it hurts so bad, in the mind, and in the body, where passively and somewhat pathetically I’ve quit.
In the past I’ve created a good enough excuse, to end the physical violence, to venture back to comfort, and timidly taken the boogie man’s self-sabotaging suggestions.
With experience, rolling the dice again and again, time under tension comes wisdom.
The blessing in crisis.
A mind map of Objectivity.
Knowing now that an objective vision and view of all things means that both towards, and away, or pleasure and pain motivation is present.
I have summoned a mental shift, a mindset shift.
Because what the mind sees the body will believe.
I have changed the storyline.
I cannot wait to join the Boogie Man, all my ghosts, my demons, and voices of the past at the Boogie Man Buffet midnight June 7th.
It’s a mind versus body, with both mental prowess and mental grit that will drive me onto and beyond anything I ever thought possible. Because I have realised the boogie man is me, my shadow monsters are me, they are important parts of me, all the parts of me that create the whole.
The whole me.
Metaphorically speaking, remember when you were a kid, it’s night time and your rugged up In your warm bed, shuffling your bare feet under the sheets and slowing down your breathing, and anticipating dream time.
You look briefly through half closed eyes at your wardrobe and in the grey darkness you can swear that the shadow monsters there, mum or dad have left the door ajar and in the charcoal night you see the silhouette of the Boogie man, the shadow creatures.
For years that dark fucker has haunted you, taunted you, and flaunted your fears.
Until one day, with a dash of enlightenment, courage, and fearlessness you leap out of bed, throw the covers off, hit the bedroom light switch face the wardrobe and stare.
He’s gone, the wardrobe is bare.
The part of you that was scared of the dark, the boogie man, the shadow monster now knows there was nothing there, there was no - thing.
And so because of this you now “KNOW THINGS”, about yourself that you didn’t know before, but now you do, KNOW things.
Carl Jung said “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”
Bring on June 7th and The Guinness World Record 24 Hour Strict Pull Up Attempt.